Publishing poetry

I have decided to take all of my poetry off of this blog in the hopes that I can find publication. I have found a few places that have accepted some of my poetry, and I am excited to be awakening, or acknowledging the poet that has always lived inside of me. Perhaps I will share now and again just for the shear joy of watching the words paint themselves across the empty page. Love and Light.

~K

Stream

Unconscious mind speaks in limited images. Illusion of self. The pity party has to end. This is not me. I got caught in my own trap and forgetting how to fly, built my own cage. Where is the love? I can't find it anywhere. It is not within or without. I am without much hope now, pretending this thing I live matters. It doesn't, except in the simplest ways. My responsibility tethers me. I long to run into the desert and sing down the moon. A place where no one knows my name. A place where I can be anyone I want to be. This is not me. It is a delusion, a spectacle of everything I abhor. I am stuck within this giant unhappiness, chipping away at the walls. I built them, but how do I tear them down? How do I find a love that is buried so deep I can't begin to know where to look?

One day at a time. Baby steps.

I won't go there

Been dreaming of warmer places...with Reggae playing soundtrack in my head. Fitting. Looking south toward Albuquerque, knowing I have too much history in that town, even though I have only been there a few times in my life.

Letting go takes some kind of courage--a courage I may just not have. I thought I did. I thought I released the past and let it fly away like a free bird, but here it is staring me in the face again. It always comes around again, doesn't it?

I won't go there. To the past. To Albuquerque. The Air Force is poisoning the land, poisoning my mind, ruining everything I thought pure. Even the warm sun on my face cannot erase the facts. Facts speak louder than emotions, and louder than the voices in my head, calling me deeper into New Mexico. "It just isn't safe," says reason to the romantic dreamer. The sun shines here too. And I would miss the sage.

Dream a little dream

Funny how my night time dreams can leave me feeling somehow lost and confused, and even sad, upon waking. It is a different world, isn't it?

I have been dreaming of searching for a place to call home, and the dreams are vague and I hardly remember anything when I wake. Not too surprising since in this other, wakeful reality, I have been searching for a place to call home too. Parallel realities.

Last night I dreamed of old friends, two of them, who were in the hospital. They were okay, healing from whatever ailed them. I went to visit and spent some long lost time with some dear people I once knew, and upon waking realized just how much I missed them and how much I still love them, even if they are no longer a part of my current life.

We are all one. I don't have to be in physical proximity to send my love. Distance healing has taught me that.

So, this morning I will release my sadness and longing for what could never have been (people change so much and grow apart over the years), and instead send these two old friends some love from my spiritual self to theirs.

We are all One. My dear old friends  are as much a part of me as they always were. I wish them well. I wish everyone well and send all of humanity love on this fine morning.

Forgotten but remembered again

Crazy dizzy head, shooting pains. I dream of blonde boys from so long ago and then it falls back into NM dreams. Listen to NIN. Got to be one of the best bands ever. With Teeth one of the best albums. And I find myself wanting to go back...hiding in the trees, like in Portland...an attempted escape from myself that failed. There I was and here I am.

I have forgotten the long journey that got me to this place. I have pushed aside the love in search of ego dreams. I have lost a soul mate to the Universe again and again. He wears a different face. He is the artist. He is the philosopher and a poet, and a student of spirituality. He is my mirror. He is me. He has the darkest eyes that reflect myself back again. And I run from him as he runs from me, but we are on the same plane and though we may never meet again,  we cross paths again and again, because we are one, always together, living in the rippled illusion of the broken frame.

I have forgotten myself. Even death can not tear apart those united. Nor can time or space. It is all an illusion as I live here now in this physical place, becoming my ego self and forgetting once again. Nothing matters. I float on the love of the Universe, listening to the songs I sing to myself, my spirit sings to me. I miss him. And I miss him. I miss her, lost friend. And I miss him again. Time passes and I grow old in this body but my mind is ever young, searching for those who came before, hoping for some recognition as souls unite again.

Listen to the messages

Ah, man, it's just not right. I woke with a headache and tried to push it away , telling myself it was a sinus thing, or an eye thing...snow and bright sunshine, but not really wanting to listen to the voice that told me the things I had been looking forward to for days might not be what I expected. I did not want to hear it. Definitely did not, for today was the day I was going to see that house that might turn out to be our future homestead.

I don't think it is. I don't think it can be. It's just not right, and in fact, my mood got more dismal and sour the longer I stayed at said house in the woods. I felt trapped, like someone was trying to catch me in a giant butterfly net and force me into some beautiful insect habitat, complete with flowers and all the things a butterfly could want, but a cage none-the-less.

It was someone else's vision, and it is hard to overcome a dream of a hand built house created with so much love and personal toil, a house that could expand and be modified to fit me and my life, but a house that carries the ghosts of those who came before, and I'm not sure it is my place to require change in a space that was not created for me or my wild children.

It's just not right. And that makes me sigh in sadness, because I so wanted it to be, like a dream almost realized. But, if I ignore my gut feelings like I have so many times before and fall head first into a situation that is not good for anyone, I will be telling myself  "I told you so," even as I dig out of the negativity and try to fly free again. I can't go there, I'm afraid.

So, I will stay here, in this place and rethink my options, even as I stare at my high desert land waking up to spring and appreciate the beauty of the Junipers, the Pinon Pines, the sparse prairie grasses and even the cacti. I will watch the birds that have come to live on our land since we brought the flowers, the compost, and the gardens. I will appreciate all that we have accomplished in our two short years here and wait for the season to come into bloom. I will find joy in the rabbits hopping down the path, the quail bringing their babies out for a walk, and the blue sky. I am honored to live in the shadow of the Wet Mountains...a pristine wilderness landscape that greets me every single day.

Maybe this place is right, for right now anyway.

Bio-domes?

Feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world. Egypt...GM alfalfa...global warming past the point of no return...everyone getting cancer...And by the state of myself as I struggle with the weight I put on by eating real food, like butter and homemade bread.

Felt inspired for a minute and possessed by a muse I barely recognized as I painted for four days until "Utopia" was done. It may not amount to much, but it sure was interesting painting it, getting lost in the zone. It has been a long, long time since I allowed myself the luxury of being spontaneously creative. I enjoyed it immensely.

Lost in fantasy, I dream of giant hoop houses that grow pure, organic, natural and uncontaminated alfalfa and hay for my goats and llamas. Each hoop house could have a bee hive to pollinate the plants, and the bees would never leave, so they wouldn't be poisoned by the chemicals sprayed over the new genetically modified alfalfa. Soon, if we want a garden at all, one that is not contaminated, we will have to grow it under cover.

That got me thinking about moving my family into the hoop house too. Why not? The plants, people, and animals could all live in a cleaner environment than our good old beloved Earth. What ever happened to the bio-dome experiments of the eighties? We could sure use that technology and research data now to survive our future.

Who builds bio-domes these days? Who has the knowledge to create a self-contained eco-system within a space that could house a family and their livestock? A ranch under plastic? Creates new meaning to greenhouses when you farm and live in one. This may be the only way we can grow safe, uncontaminated food for ourselves and our families. And, as the atmosphere continues to suck up mankind's poisons, wouldn't it be nice to have some clean air somewhere? A whole little eco-environment. Kind of like the Earthships, but on a grander scale. Every family would have to be self-supporting and self-contained in their bio-dome. If you eat meat, it sure would make you rethink your choices if you had to share your bio-dome with your cows. In a smaller space, those cow farts would add up quickly, creating a new bio warming right in the house you live in. Couldn't blame it on someone else then, could you?

You could grow your own food, and grains for your livestock, all within your bio-dome home. A little piece of earth, before humans destroyed the real thing. We could look out across the land and see everyone else, in their respective bubbles, trying not to contaminate their second chance home. Is that what my painting was trying to convey?

I do have to say though, as everything spins out of control, that I wish I lived in an earthen home--Earthship or Earthbag or old style, real adobe--something that would protect my family from the crazy heat and cold fluctuations we are starting to experience. That is the dream. Either we can retrofit this manufactured home we live in, by banking it with Earthbags, or we can find a spot to build a house that will survive the climate nightmares of the next fifty years. Maybe we can do both. Will the neighbors object to us building new walls of Earthbags around our existing walls? What about the town? Do we need a permit for that? It sure would eliminate some of our wind issues. Maybe we could just pull a giant piece of greenhouse plastic over our two and a half acres.

Maybe we should all retrofit our houses with Earthbags or rammed earth tires, or just turn those suburban tract homes into earth bermed structures....dump a mountain of dirt on one side (north is best...leave the sunny south side open to absorb the heat your going to need when our coal and gas powered furnaces no longer work). We have all got to rethink this mess and figure out how we are going to survive the climate change (heat and cold, massive storms, crazy wind, rising tides) and forget about government red tape. If I listen to the boys in charge anymore I am doomed.

It is time for a global revolution. It is time we stood up for ourselves and our right to life, as the current living beings we are. I'm not talking about abortion here. I'm talking about the people alive right now who inhabit the planet. Don't they have the right to go on living, to survive the mess created by the men in charge? Doesn't that entitle us to collect rainwater if that is our cleanest and cheapest source of water? I think so. Here in Colorado, it is illegal, but I'm done caring. The times they are a changin' and my family needs water to grow food and to drink. Screw the government and permits and farmers down the river who grow poisoned alfalfa and chemically saturated produce that they expect us to eat. No more!

This mama is mad, fed up and ready to jump into action to ensure the survival of her little ones. Maternal instinct is kicking in and the possibilities are endless for me to get involved and make a difference. Join me.
Help change the world. Join the revolution. Build a bio-dome.