Mirror, mirror

I can never expect to be seen if I remain invisible to myself.

My perception of who I am is changing.

The mirror is not my friend, but I must look at myself
to discover who I am becoming.

Who do I want to be?

I am only invisible
when I do not see myself
for who I really am.

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Photo by Paul Blenkhorn @SensoryArtHouse on Unsplash

Perception fluctuates--
fluid viscosity.

Thoughts stir anxiety
within layers of expectation
that freeze into bridges
that I burn
again and again.

Reality melts and bends
to fit my unclear focus.

I don't know
where I belong
anymore.

My vision is blurred
by too many colors
of a past no longer relevant
and a present displayed
through dirty, cracked lenses
I wear with obvious regret.

The river runs blind,
south, towards dreams
I thought I left behind
and the same old desert signs
haunt my tormented, lonely mind.

It is all just liquid--
energy puddling at my feet,
running back and forth
between here and there,
then and now.

And so, I haphazardly finger paint
with my unwanted emotions,
trying to see a pattern
in the madness,
in the swirling, whirling
nonsensical coincidences
that form the stepping stones
out

of the murky, vague, stagnant pond
that has become my day to day.

Realign.

Follow the water under the bridge
past the screaming demons
and back into the familiar chaos
of constant change.

The sun sets in fiery hues
as spirits call me back home
to a high desert landscape
that quenches my soul.

I am awakening.

© 1.12.2020 K. A. Bennett. All rights reserved.