It certainly has been a while...
In the interim, I finished a long and difficult pregnancy and had a beautiful baby boy at 9 lbs. and 6 oz. The labor was intense and traumatic, but everything worked out and both baby and I are recovering well.
I'm trying to establish some sort of routine in this house of chaos, this house of babies and unhappy teenagers.
Baby Girl is adjusting to Baby Boy quite nicely. She gives him kisses, but will try to poke him in the eye whenever she can. She isn't showing much jealousy. I try to hold her just as much and the result is two babies on my lap.
Haven't had too many visitors yet. Isn't it funny how people ask if I still paint. What do they think? Really. I paint in my dreams and fantasies. I paint a happy, normal life where relationships are based on mutual respect, and babies sleep through the night, and my teenagers don't hate me.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
On meditation
What is it about all of these spiritual books that outline specifically how to do something...meditate for so many minutes in the morning, preferably when you are alone and the house is quiet...get up early if you have to. Okay. I'm not getting up any earlier. Sometimes Babygirl wakes up at 4am. I think I need all of the sleep I can get. And really, when am I alone? And a quiet house? Perhaps meditation is for singles or retired folks. So I've decided that any meditation I can get in is good, even if that is right before I'm falling asleep in bed at night. My meditation sessions usually involve slipping into a semi-comatose state where weird dream images flit through my head, before I drift into sleep anyway. Clear my head? I'm still working on that one. I try so hard to keep my mind on one image, pulling it back from fantasy land, but in the end the dreams win and I can't recall a productive meditation session at all. And when the new baby comes? Can I meditate while I'm breastfeeding? I'll have to try that. What about in the shower? Does the world really have to stop around me? What if it won't? I don't ever have time alone when I can just sit in a quiet, peaceful state. So how am I supposed to make this work? Manifest my desires...only if I follow the guidelines outlined by the experts? Maybe. Maybe not. Meditation is about getting in touch with spirit, with my God-self. I should be able to do that while being a mom. After all, what is more natural and holy than breastfeeding a perfect newborn infant?
And the vision board seems to be working. Put an image of a house up and Babygirl sleeping in her crib. Two out of three nights she has slept until at least 5am before she wants to join me in bed. Not too bad. I changed the original house image. We drove around looking at some of the houses we found online. My favorite turned out to be in a less than desirable location, and one I sort of liked is actually in a great neighborhood. So I swapped them around. We'll see what happens next. Kind of exciting.
And the vision board seems to be working. Put an image of a house up and Babygirl sleeping in her crib. Two out of three nights she has slept until at least 5am before she wants to join me in bed. Not too bad. I changed the original house image. We drove around looking at some of the houses we found online. My favorite turned out to be in a less than desirable location, and one I sort of liked is actually in a great neighborhood. So I swapped them around. We'll see what happens next. Kind of exciting.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Birthdays and the Vision Board
Had a wonderful birthday on Tuesday. My mother and sister brought me b-day cards with money in them. The best gift. So we spent the day shopping. Bought a baby corral for Babygirl, and a booster seat so she can sit at the table and eat with us, freeing the highchair for new baby. We also got her a rocking horse, which is just plain adorable. We finished the day eating dinner (the whole family!) at a great little Mexican restaurant downtown (my favorite). Everyone got along. Everyone was happy. Even the teenagers. Wonderful day!
So, I'm hoping the baby corral will help out with my space problem. If I have babygirl contained, maybe I can really break out the paints and paint at the dining room table. I'm hopeful. She's not too happy about being trapped behind her little fence, but if I stay close, it might be manageable.
Also, put the first image on the vision board: one of the houses we like in a suburb way south of town. It's a newer ranch with 3 bds and 2 baths on the main level, along with a living room, dining room, kitchen and laundry, and two car garage. No stairs!!! But, it also has a full unfinished basement which we can turn into more bedrooms, a family room and a studio. The space is there, at least, and I can set up a studio in a corner somewhere. Who needs walls? And R can have the garage for his workshop and large assortment of mostly unused tools. Yey. It has a huge yard, which is not landscaped, and sits on a corner lot. I can't really see any houses around it, but we plan on driving out there this weekend to really check it out. I'm thinking it will be perfect. More space, one level. Everything will come together. I'm thinking of renting the old Victorian, which in this horrible sellers market, might be the best choice. Then we can keep our town house as an investment, hoping the value will go up instead of down.
Everything is good today. Babygirl even slept all through the night without wanting to share my bed. I'm thinking I should take a photo and put that image on the vision board: Babygirl sleeping in her own bed all night long.
Still reading Wayne Dyer books. A new thought...I always thought when I fell off "the path" it was about living spiritually, thinking in more profound ways, and following my calling. I have spent a lot of time trying to get back to art and more enlightened ways of thinking and living, trying to relocate my spiritual "path." But, Wayne Dyer suggests that "the path" is one of unconditional love towards all people and all things. At least that's my take on it. That's it. If I can practice this unconditional love everything will start to come together. Harder than it sounds, but certainly worth the effort.
And the Universe put it to the test, right away when my oldest girl's school called to tell me she hasn't been there for a couple of weeks. Interesting, and I won't get into the details of that conversation, but I tried to constantly remind myself to let go of the anger and disappointment and hold onto the unconditional love. I'm still telling myself that. We'll see.
So, I'm hoping the baby corral will help out with my space problem. If I have babygirl contained, maybe I can really break out the paints and paint at the dining room table. I'm hopeful. She's not too happy about being trapped behind her little fence, but if I stay close, it might be manageable.
Also, put the first image on the vision board: one of the houses we like in a suburb way south of town. It's a newer ranch with 3 bds and 2 baths on the main level, along with a living room, dining room, kitchen and laundry, and two car garage. No stairs!!! But, it also has a full unfinished basement which we can turn into more bedrooms, a family room and a studio. The space is there, at least, and I can set up a studio in a corner somewhere. Who needs walls? And R can have the garage for his workshop and large assortment of mostly unused tools. Yey. It has a huge yard, which is not landscaped, and sits on a corner lot. I can't really see any houses around it, but we plan on driving out there this weekend to really check it out. I'm thinking it will be perfect. More space, one level. Everything will come together. I'm thinking of renting the old Victorian, which in this horrible sellers market, might be the best choice. Then we can keep our town house as an investment, hoping the value will go up instead of down.
Everything is good today. Babygirl even slept all through the night without wanting to share my bed. I'm thinking I should take a photo and put that image on the vision board: Babygirl sleeping in her own bed all night long.
Still reading Wayne Dyer books. A new thought...I always thought when I fell off "the path" it was about living spiritually, thinking in more profound ways, and following my calling. I have spent a lot of time trying to get back to art and more enlightened ways of thinking and living, trying to relocate my spiritual "path." But, Wayne Dyer suggests that "the path" is one of unconditional love towards all people and all things. At least that's my take on it. That's it. If I can practice this unconditional love everything will start to come together. Harder than it sounds, but certainly worth the effort.
And the Universe put it to the test, right away when my oldest girl's school called to tell me she hasn't been there for a couple of weeks. Interesting, and I won't get into the details of that conversation, but I tried to constantly remind myself to let go of the anger and disappointment and hold onto the unconditional love. I'm still telling myself that. We'll see.
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