Well, my sister decided to go through with the chemotherapy as treatment for her cancer. I read it on Facebook. It's been hit and miss talking with my immediate family these days. My mother doesn't call so much and I'm never sure what's going on. I worry. I can't say I agree with my sister's decision, but it is her decision and I hope it works.
I still get that horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of the future and my family. I believe it is our duty to do everything in our power to stay healthy and prevent cancers and other diseases from happening to us. I believe we do have the choice to stay healthy, if we stay conscious about what our mind, body and spirit require. Listen....
I believe in the power of thought and in meditation as a lifelong practice to reach our inner selves and the Source power. I believe in Yoga and in physical activity as a meditation and as a means to live a long, healthy life. I believe in being present, letting go of the past and the future, and living in the now. What can I do today, right here, right now to bring me closer to my dreams and perfect mind body health?
I believe in compassion, resilience and peace for everyone. No more wars!!! I believe everyone has an equal right to air, water, food and health. I believe that we are all one, sharing this moment, on this earth...one giant living organism. If one part hurts, we all hurt and live in dysfunction. We must band together and love ourselves, each other and the planet. There is no room for judgment, elitism, egotism, or the exclusion of any one part. No room. Stop the stupidity.
I believe in natural healing and positive thinking. I believe in living responsibly and being aware of our own actions and how that might affect others, including humans, animals, plants and the Earth.
I believe the revolution of enlightenment is underway. And I know I can only do my part to encourage others to join, to awaken from the mindless capitalism culture we have been raised and brainwashed into. What is it all for? At the end of the day what do we have and what can we say?
It is my goal to speak these words before I go to sleep each night "I did my part to bring awareness to the world and to help repair our injured Earth."
Namaste
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Who am I?
Where is my community? Where is my fellowship of artists and writers and free-spirited, enlightened individuals who won't look at me like I'm the crazy relative every time I open my mouth?
I'm having a hard time, a really hard time, trying to live in my ego space right now, with every crazy thing going on. I don't want to be alone, but when I look at my life, I realize I have always been alone--an outsider in my own family, the one who never fit in. Ironically that has not changed, but the abyss of separation seems to have grown larger. I look at my extended family and see more differences. And I am the one to not judge, to not notice the things that make us all live such vastly different lives. It's like I really do live on another planet. I guess that's okay, and it was one of the reasons I tried so hard to get away when I was so young.
On this day, I'm trying to rethink my own existence. Who am I? The age old question. I am a daughter and a sister. But I am also a mother and a wife, an individual struggling to just be herself. Sometimes I am an artist and occasionally I am a writer. Mostly I am just me. No apologies there. I don't fit in any box. I never have and I never will.
One day this week I woke up and thought "What a beautiful life I have here on my little farm with the birds singing outside and my children all healthy." The warm sun shined in through the kitchen window and I stared into the distance at the beautiful Wet Mountains and truly enjoyed a moment. I am thankful for that. I am grateful for the stars in the midnight blue sky, and the quiet that lives here with me in the country.
I may be a little odd to my family and some of my friends, but I wouldn't change any of it. I'm loving the farm adventure and I'm trying to be honest with myself in my own beliefs. I'm still on my spiritual journey, trying to know and master myself and my tired old Ego. That's the best I can do.
I'm having a hard time, a really hard time, trying to live in my ego space right now, with every crazy thing going on. I don't want to be alone, but when I look at my life, I realize I have always been alone--an outsider in my own family, the one who never fit in. Ironically that has not changed, but the abyss of separation seems to have grown larger. I look at my extended family and see more differences. And I am the one to not judge, to not notice the things that make us all live such vastly different lives. It's like I really do live on another planet. I guess that's okay, and it was one of the reasons I tried so hard to get away when I was so young.
On this day, I'm trying to rethink my own existence. Who am I? The age old question. I am a daughter and a sister. But I am also a mother and a wife, an individual struggling to just be herself. Sometimes I am an artist and occasionally I am a writer. Mostly I am just me. No apologies there. I don't fit in any box. I never have and I never will.
One day this week I woke up and thought "What a beautiful life I have here on my little farm with the birds singing outside and my children all healthy." The warm sun shined in through the kitchen window and I stared into the distance at the beautiful Wet Mountains and truly enjoyed a moment. I am thankful for that. I am grateful for the stars in the midnight blue sky, and the quiet that lives here with me in the country.
I may be a little odd to my family and some of my friends, but I wouldn't change any of it. I'm loving the farm adventure and I'm trying to be honest with myself in my own beliefs. I'm still on my spiritual journey, trying to know and master myself and my tired old Ego. That's the best I can do.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The chaos comes closer
Where do I begin to catch up? With my seventeen year old flying the coop? With my older sister finding out she has cancer? It has been tumultuous as of late. I think I'm walking through an emotional minefield.
I feel like my advice and opinions mean so little to everyone around me. Perhaps it is time to be silent. Time to meditate. Time to pray.
The farm is off and going, one year strong. I brought the llama babies home and have been working to become their trusted friends. We now have five goats--all adult female dairy goats. R has been milking Tres and Amelia since they gave birth. He makes soft cheeses flavored with spices, which are a big hit with his coworkers and Co-op members. We sold one dairy share and are thinking of trying a CSA next summer with our garden produce and eggs.
The babies are getting big...2 and 3 now and a handful of energy and willfulness.
I started another blog, a farm blog, http://onelittlefarm.blogspot.com/ which I've been meaning to do for a while now. I got right on it, hoping to set up a donation sight to help with Terry's alternative treatment. I'm not sure she's going to try any alternative treatments, which has me really concerned. Needless to say, I haven't been so gung ho about trying to raise money.
And R is still trying to decide if he really wants to be a farmer. Big news on top of the rest of it. I've been walking from one devastating piece of news to the next. I guess if R bails, I'll try to do it alone. It isn't impossible. I might be able to. We will see.
I feel like my advice and opinions mean so little to everyone around me. Perhaps it is time to be silent. Time to meditate. Time to pray.
The farm is off and going, one year strong. I brought the llama babies home and have been working to become their trusted friends. We now have five goats--all adult female dairy goats. R has been milking Tres and Amelia since they gave birth. He makes soft cheeses flavored with spices, which are a big hit with his coworkers and Co-op members. We sold one dairy share and are thinking of trying a CSA next summer with our garden produce and eggs.
The babies are getting big...2 and 3 now and a handful of energy and willfulness.
I started another blog, a farm blog, http://onelittlefarm.blogspot.com/ which I've been meaning to do for a while now. I got right on it, hoping to set up a donation sight to help with Terry's alternative treatment. I'm not sure she's going to try any alternative treatments, which has me really concerned. Needless to say, I haven't been so gung ho about trying to raise money.
And R is still trying to decide if he really wants to be a farmer. Big news on top of the rest of it. I've been walking from one devastating piece of news to the next. I guess if R bails, I'll try to do it alone. It isn't impossible. I might be able to. We will see.
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