Still trying to find time to write. Still trying to figure out how to balance taking care of two babies. R has been a big help with Babygirl, keeping her entertained for most of the day. He did take two weeks off from work, which was an enormous help, but now he has returned to his evening shifts and I am left with two tiny tots and one disgruntled teenager who regularly reminds me how much she hates me and how I ruined her life. This weekend we are planning a birthday BBQ for said teenager at our house. We bought her a trampoline because she decided our house wasn't cool enough to have her friends over. Now it might be okay. If I could just keep my other "twelve" children out of her way. How two babies came to equal twelve, I'm not sure, although sometimes it feels like I have twelve crying infants at hand. I'm still trying to figure out just how many teenagers will be attending this shindig. My sweet young lady merely shrugs her shoulders when asked and mumbles "It's not like I matter." I'd say she matters a great deal. I'd like to think she knows that, but I guess I have to settle with the little sweet nothings like "I hate you."
And Babyboy is crying again. Didn't I just feed him? Since I haven't yet mastered the fine art of breastfeeding and typing one-handed, I'd better get to it.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Long time gone
It certainly has been a while...
In the interim, I finished a long and difficult pregnancy and had a beautiful baby boy at 9 lbs. and 6 oz. The labor was intense and traumatic, but everything worked out and both baby and I are recovering well.
I'm trying to establish some sort of routine in this house of chaos, this house of babies and unhappy teenagers.
Baby Girl is adjusting to Baby Boy quite nicely. She gives him kisses, but will try to poke him in the eye whenever she can. She isn't showing much jealousy. I try to hold her just as much and the result is two babies on my lap.
Haven't had too many visitors yet. Isn't it funny how people ask if I still paint. What do they think? Really. I paint in my dreams and fantasies. I paint a happy, normal life where relationships are based on mutual respect, and babies sleep through the night, and my teenagers don't hate me.
In the interim, I finished a long and difficult pregnancy and had a beautiful baby boy at 9 lbs. and 6 oz. The labor was intense and traumatic, but everything worked out and both baby and I are recovering well.
I'm trying to establish some sort of routine in this house of chaos, this house of babies and unhappy teenagers.
Baby Girl is adjusting to Baby Boy quite nicely. She gives him kisses, but will try to poke him in the eye whenever she can. She isn't showing much jealousy. I try to hold her just as much and the result is two babies on my lap.
Haven't had too many visitors yet. Isn't it funny how people ask if I still paint. What do they think? Really. I paint in my dreams and fantasies. I paint a happy, normal life where relationships are based on mutual respect, and babies sleep through the night, and my teenagers don't hate me.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
On meditation
What is it about all of these spiritual books that outline specifically how to do something...meditate for so many minutes in the morning, preferably when you are alone and the house is quiet...get up early if you have to. Okay. I'm not getting up any earlier. Sometimes Babygirl wakes up at 4am. I think I need all of the sleep I can get. And really, when am I alone? And a quiet house? Perhaps meditation is for singles or retired folks. So I've decided that any meditation I can get in is good, even if that is right before I'm falling asleep in bed at night. My meditation sessions usually involve slipping into a semi-comatose state where weird dream images flit through my head, before I drift into sleep anyway. Clear my head? I'm still working on that one. I try so hard to keep my mind on one image, pulling it back from fantasy land, but in the end the dreams win and I can't recall a productive meditation session at all. And when the new baby comes? Can I meditate while I'm breastfeeding? I'll have to try that. What about in the shower? Does the world really have to stop around me? What if it won't? I don't ever have time alone when I can just sit in a quiet, peaceful state. So how am I supposed to make this work? Manifest my desires...only if I follow the guidelines outlined by the experts? Maybe. Maybe not. Meditation is about getting in touch with spirit, with my God-self. I should be able to do that while being a mom. After all, what is more natural and holy than breastfeeding a perfect newborn infant?
And the vision board seems to be working. Put an image of a house up and Babygirl sleeping in her crib. Two out of three nights she has slept until at least 5am before she wants to join me in bed. Not too bad. I changed the original house image. We drove around looking at some of the houses we found online. My favorite turned out to be in a less than desirable location, and one I sort of liked is actually in a great neighborhood. So I swapped them around. We'll see what happens next. Kind of exciting.
And the vision board seems to be working. Put an image of a house up and Babygirl sleeping in her crib. Two out of three nights she has slept until at least 5am before she wants to join me in bed. Not too bad. I changed the original house image. We drove around looking at some of the houses we found online. My favorite turned out to be in a less than desirable location, and one I sort of liked is actually in a great neighborhood. So I swapped them around. We'll see what happens next. Kind of exciting.
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