The chaos comes closer

Where do I begin to catch up? With my seventeen year old flying the coop? With my older sister finding out she has cancer? It has been tumultuous as of late. I think I'm walking through an emotional minefield.

I feel like my advice and opinions mean so little to everyone around me. Perhaps it is time to be silent. Time to meditate. Time to pray.

The farm is off and going, one year strong. I brought the llama babies home and have been working to become their trusted friends. We now have five goats--all adult female dairy goats. R has been milking Tres and Amelia since they gave birth. He makes soft cheeses flavored with spices, which are a big hit with his coworkers and Co-op members. We sold one dairy share and are thinking of trying a CSA next summer with our garden produce and eggs.

The babies are getting big...2 and 3 now and a handful of energy and willfulness.

I started another blog, a farm blog, http://onelittlefarm.blogspot.com/ which I've been meaning to do for a while now. I got right on it, hoping to set up a donation sight to help with Terry's alternative treatment. I'm not sure she's going to try any alternative treatments, which has me really concerned. Needless to say, I haven't been so gung ho about trying to raise money.

And R is still trying to decide if he really wants to be a farmer. Big news on top of the rest of it. I've been walking from one devastating piece of news to the next. I guess if R bails, I'll try to do it alone. It isn't impossible. I might be able to. We will see.

LLama babies and big plans

I'm getting eager to get my llama babies and bring them home. Dark Vador and Turbo Booster are the names they were given. Sweet boys. But with Christmas around the corner and R spending every cent we had on fencing for the llama and goat pasture, I fear there's nothing left to make a payment on my llama babies this week. That stresses me out a bit. It'll work out.

Been reading about prickly pear cactus, and how to make jams and jellies. Sounds like a new adventure just waiting to happen. We have our share of the little cacti growing wild around the property. I guess the fruits are to be harvested in September or so, so I'll have to wait a while, but I'll keep my eyes open for the little fruits growing on top of the paddle shaped cacti out in the fields. Exciting.

We have plans to build an earth bermed root cellar to store our vegies in when we have an abundance. I hope that is next year. And plans to build a small greenhouse out of the glass doors and windows we found cheap on Craig's List. R is getting some vacation time next week and maybe we can work on some of these things. We also got some trees in the mail from the Arbor Foundation and I was hoping to line the driveway with them. Add a little color and visual interest to our desert dry land. If we could come up with a system to redirect the water from our roof gutters to the new trees, we'd be all set.

So much to do, even in the cold time of the year. But, I'm happy to report the days are in the upper 40's, low 50's again. Now, that's more like it.

The sun shines again

It's finally warming up into the 40's again. Feels like a heat wave compared to the frigid cold we were having. The goats are spending their nights back outside in their own little shelter.

Spent the weekend delivering Christmas presents to friends and family. I always make tins full of fudge and cookies to give out for the holidays. It's great fun and I think everyone should have fudge for Christmas. It's one of the things I can give when money is tight.

Still dreaming of big old farmhouses, but now I'm thinking of New Mexico landscapes. Do the two go together? The lots are still for sale next to our property here, and I wonder about buying one or more to add to our homestead. We should research what that would take. So many dreams, so little money.

My darling teenage girl is thinking about going into the Job Corps. Montana. So far away. I think it may be a positive step for her, if she can get in. A planned out future and goals to work for, so when she finishes she will be successful and self-sufficient, and possibly happy. It may turn into a very good thing and a wonderful opportunity.

And I am trying so hard to get back into an exercise routine. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Today was a good day and I did my Wii yoga and strength training and ran for twenty minutes, which is about four miles in Wii distance. Not bad. I sure feel better both physically and emotionally when I exercise. I also am trying to write in my journal on a more frequent basis, and although I'm not writing anything significant or particularly artistic, at least I am writing again. Perhaps one day I will begin to write poetry again.

I lost a friend a while back and that weighs heavy on my heart sometimes. He was a phenominal poet, an artist, a kind soul, a colleague in the local art cause, and a beautiful person. He took his own life and I feel a lot of pain over that. He was one of the few in my city who gave local, unknown artists shows and he helped me raise funds and have an art show when I was publishing my local art magazine. Overall, he was a good guy and I will miss him horribly. I'm sorry he decided to leave, but I hope things are better for him wherever he has gone.

Mostly I still just try to get through each day, wondering how to stay present in times that are so tough, both financially and emotionally. One second at a time.