I won't go there

Been dreaming of warmer places...with Reggae playing soundtrack in my head. Fitting. Looking south toward Albuquerque, knowing I have too much history in that town, even though I have only been there a few times in my life.

Letting go takes some kind of courage--a courage I may just not have. I thought I did. I thought I released the past and let it fly away like a free bird, but here it is staring me in the face again. It always comes around again, doesn't it?

I won't go there. To the past. To Albuquerque. The Air Force is poisoning the land, poisoning my mind, ruining everything I thought pure. Even the warm sun on my face cannot erase the facts. Facts speak louder than emotions, and louder than the voices in my head, calling me deeper into New Mexico. "It just isn't safe," says reason to the romantic dreamer. The sun shines here too. And I would miss the sage.

Dream a little dream

Funny how my night time dreams can leave me feeling somehow lost and confused, and even sad, upon waking. It is a different world, isn't it?

I have been dreaming of searching for a place to call home, and the dreams are vague and I hardly remember anything when I wake. Not too surprising since in this other, wakeful reality, I have been searching for a place to call home too. Parallel realities.

Last night I dreamed of old friends, two of them, who were in the hospital. They were okay, healing from whatever ailed them. I went to visit and spent some long lost time with some dear people I once knew, and upon waking realized just how much I missed them and how much I still love them, even if they are no longer a part of my current life.

We are all one. I don't have to be in physical proximity to send my love. Distance healing has taught me that.

So, this morning I will release my sadness and longing for what could never have been (people change so much and grow apart over the years), and instead send these two old friends some love from my spiritual self to theirs.

We are all One. My dear old friends  are as much a part of me as they always were. I wish them well. I wish everyone well and send all of humanity love on this fine morning.

Forgotten but remembered again

Crazy dizzy head, shooting pains. I dream of blonde boys from so long ago and then it falls back into NM dreams. Listen to NIN. Got to be one of the best bands ever. With Teeth one of the best albums. And I find myself wanting to go back...hiding in the trees, like in Portland...an attempted escape from myself that failed. There I was and here I am.

I have forgotten the long journey that got me to this place. I have pushed aside the love in search of ego dreams. I have lost a soul mate to the Universe again and again. He wears a different face. He is the artist. He is the philosopher and a poet, and a student of spirituality. He is my mirror. He is me. He has the darkest eyes that reflect myself back again. And I run from him as he runs from me, but we are on the same plane and though we may never meet again,  we cross paths again and again, because we are one, always together, living in the rippled illusion of the broken frame.

I have forgotten myself. Even death can not tear apart those united. Nor can time or space. It is all an illusion as I live here now in this physical place, becoming my ego self and forgetting once again. Nothing matters. I float on the love of the Universe, listening to the songs I sing to myself, my spirit sings to me. I miss him. And I miss him. I miss her, lost friend. And I miss him again. Time passes and I grow old in this body but my mind is ever young, searching for those who came before, hoping for some recognition as souls unite again.