When did the patriarchy decide women were incapable of so many things? In what exact year did men take the power unto themselves and subject women to generations of oppression?
That is a question I often ponder as I find ways to take back my feminine power.
Today I changed the fill valve in my toilet. It was asimple task that I ruminated over for days, wondering how much a plumber would charge me to do it? But then I’d have to worry about potential Covid-19 exposure from allowing a stranger into my house, so I was not eager to call. Plus, that whole contractors who talk down to women thing, and possibly being overcharged for simply being female. Not cool.
Toilet fill valve project. Photo 12.30.20 by K. A. Bennett
So I did what I’ve been doing since I no longer have a man in the house to do those handyman chores…I watched a YouTube video.
Changing a toilet fill valve is not difficult and should be up there on things for everyone to learn, like changing the tire on a car. The actual part cost me around $8.00 and took all of 20 minutes, even with my steep learning curve and trouble getting the water supply connecter nut unscrewed. (Why did the ex always overtighten everything???)
Plus, the fill valve box had directions, and detailed paper instructions were included with the part. Why did I think it was going to be so difficult for me to do such a simple thing? Perhaps because the last time dude changed the fill valve in that toilet, he made it seem like it was such an ordeal. Really?
Toilet fill valve installed. Photo 12.30.20 by K. A. Bennett
Why do men do this? Or is it just the special kind of men I attract into my life?
As I round the corner on the second half of my life, I do finally understand how the patriarchal system has groomed us all (men and women) to maintain the status quo of men having the power, being more intelligent, and more capable than women.
Well, I say bullocks to all that nonsense!! No more. Not for me. I have wasted too much time listening to what I can’t do and feeling incapable.
Now I am learning. In this age of technology, there is absolutely no reason why I can’t do the research and watch the videos and give it a try before I call in the experts. Maybe I won’t have to call anyone and I can do it myself.
I am aware that a lot of my self-talk is steeped in patriarchal nonsense, and my fear is based on the lies I was taught by a society hellbent on keeping men in the power seat.
So today I changed the toilet fill valve.
Last month I fixed a ceiling that was damaged by a roof leak last summer. I procrastinated that repair for months and finally called a contractor for an estimate. Not only did he come into my house and wear his mask half-assed, but he wanted to charge me 1400$ for the job, inflating the cost of materials (which I happen to know the price of), and explaining how difficult it would be because of the 10 foot ceiling height. Hogwash.
I fixed the ceiling with drywall scraps I found in my basement from other jobs. I stood on a ladder. It took me a solid week of 8 hour days to get the ceiling fixed, the entire 200 square foot room walls repaired, everything textured, primed, and painted. The materials cost came in at about $200.
Bedroom repair project. Photo 12.30.20 by K A. Bennett
Go me.
Sure, my back hurt like a mother every day, and my hands are still recovering, but I did it. I didn’t need a team of men, although to be honest, my two teenage kids helped prime and paint. We did it. We were and are perfectly capable.
Last week I installed new outlets and a light switch in the same room. I overcame my fear, turned off the power, and just did it.
I am celebrating my accomplishments now.
Today I changed the fill valve on my toilet, and although it was not a big thing, it was huge, absolutely f’n enormous! I am well on my way to becoming an empowered woman.
Kerry Bennett is a Creative Gen X, divorced, single mom, who holds an MA in Cultural Resource Management and a BA in anthropology. She blogs at K’s Bloomin’ Art Garden and her artwork can be found at Kerry A. Bennett Fine Art.
It might be a good year for a garden, considering everyone has a scarcity mindset and is cleaning off the grocery store shelves. Times are crazy stupid right now and people are in panic mode, stockpiling whatever they can find at the store.
Personally, I am too afraid to leave my house, and I plant a garden every year out of habit anyway. When I heard COVID-19 hit the US, I upped my garden anty. I started more seeds than usual and prepared my outdoor garden beds with some lovely alpaca manure I found locally.
Now I am getting texts and questions from people passing by my yard on how to start a garden. It is kind of late in the game to start seeds, but worth a shot. We could all use a little food security right now.
And with all of our time off, gardening will give us something productive to do besides feed our own anxiety. But by all means, do it alone. With your family or housemates. Stay away from others. At least six feet. Probably more.
If you have seeds, get them started. If you can still find seeds to buy, do it.
To start seeds, put them in little containers of soil — hey, make tiny planting containers out of all those toilet paper rolls from the TP you overstocked up on. I’m sure you’ve nearly used it all up by now, right?
Use old cans — you know from the canned goods you also stockpiled. Give them a good rinse and they are good to go.
Use dixie cups or plastic cups. Use newspaper. Whatever. Google it.
Find some soil. Good luck with mail-order delivery options. (I am still waiting on soil from Amazon and it may come too late to use for seedling transplants.)
Fill your containers and get those seeds in the dirt. Try to put a light on them if you can. You can mail order LED shoplights for pretty cheap. That’s what I did and that’s what I am using. Seems to be working fine.
Keep the soil in your containers moist and warm. Keep your mini garden inside and keep an eye on your cups of dirt. I use a spray bottle to water my seeds and seedlings.
It is so exciting to see the sprouts start to poke through the dirt. They will. It may take a few days or even up to week or so for seeds to wake up.
Germination time is usually mentioned on seed packets. Most of my seeds come from last year’s garden, so it is always a surprise to see what will come up. Coax those little seeds on with words of love and positive energy.
That’s it. Baby those babies until threat of frost in your area passes.
Prepare a garden bed outside. If you are lacking in funds, just find a plot of dirt and double dig it — turn the soil twice to soften it up. About six to eight inches deep. Rake it smooth. Plant seeds and seedlings when it’s time.
If you have the means, get some soil delivered from your local landscape company. Topsoil. Compost. Mix it up and make some beds.
Raised beds can be created out of wood, stones, concrete rubble, cement blocks, old tires, or just about anything that will sort of hold the dirt in. You might use the empty bottles from your liquor store hoard. Turn them upside down with the necks stuck in the ground to create a garden bed perimeter. It looks kind of cool with the sun reflecting off the colored bottles.
Get creative in your garden!
Amend your garden bed soil if you can. Add fertilizer. Most fertilizers need to be composted before they can be added to the garden or they will burn your plants, i.e. kill them. Camelid (alpaca, llama) manure doesn’t burn and can be added directly into the garden.
If you can buy garden soil from the landscape company, do it.
Start a compost bin. You know, save all those plant-based food scraps and give them back to the Earth. Your garden will love it. Composting is another garden lesson (Google it). You can also compost eggshells to add minerals to your garden.
So that’s it. Start those seeds and watch them turn into real-life plants. If your plants get too big for your tiny starting containers before it’s time to plant, transfer them carefully to bigger containers. Use what you have on hand (margarine, cottage cheese containers, etc.) or buy pots if you are wealthy. Whatever. Put in some clean potting soil and move those seedlings to a bigger home.
Because I over plant each seed start container, I have multiple seedlings sprouting in each pot. Normally I would thin them out and leave just one or two in the container, but because the world is crazy, I am trying to transplant every plant that looks healthy.
Thoughts stir anxiety
within layers of expectation
that freeze into bridges
that I burn
again and again.
Reality melts and bends
to fit my unclear focus.
I don't know
where I belong
anymore.
My vision is blurred
by too many colors
of a past no longer relevant
and a present displayed
through dirty, cracked lenses
I wear with obvious regret.
The river runs blind,
south, towards dreams
I thought I left behind
and the same old desert signs
haunt my tormented, lonely mind.
It is all just liquid--
energy puddling at my feet,
running back and forth
between here and there,
then and now.
And so, I haphazardly finger paint
with my unwanted emotions,
trying to see a pattern
in the madness,
in the swirling, whirling
nonsensical coincidences
that form the stepping stones
out
of the murky, vague, stagnant pond
that has become my day to day.
Realign.
Follow the water under the bridge
past the screaming demons
and back into the familiar chaos
of constant change.
The sun sets in fiery hues
as spirits call me back home
to a high desert landscape
that quenches my soul.
I used to live in Taos, New Mexico, out near the Taos Gorge, in a sea of sagebrush. The adobe dirt was soft and supple. I still dream of building a clay house to hide in the high desert — a place uninterrupted by the trappings of mainstream society; a place to simply enjoy the sky and create art. For now, my memories remind me of the sun and the smell of sage after a rainstorm. It is enough. For now.
Kerry Bennett holds an MA in Cultural Resource Management and a BA in anthropology. Kerry is restoring/renovating a Victorian house in the arid southwest where she lives with her two children, a plethora of pets, and the creative ghost of her unpredictable muse. She has written for local newspapers and won awards for poetry published in literary journals. She blogs at K’s Bloomin’ Art Garden and her artwork can be found at Kerry A. Bennett Fine Art.
Wishful eyes set adrift on pompous dreams
of cotton candy fantasies;
superfluous words fly into the gaping mouth
of an uncontained, unrestrained ego;
vomit an epiphany of absurd redundancy;
swift thoughts vanish into the sludge abyss of mediocrity;
blackness rapes paisley fields of nevermore--
sweet melancholy, rejoice--
bittersweet rejuvenation sings a solemn song
of celebrated anguish;
stampedes of ailing coyotes take wing
and circle the moon;
the ending's arrival makes a grand display
none too soon.
